Hard Justice was a freakin' masterpiece compared to this pile of wank. Commando director Mark L. Lester slums it with the DTV action crime flick, Hitman's Run. It stars Eric Roberts and Damien Chapa and you can read my thoughts on the film after the jump....
The best thing about
being a movie reviewer is seeking out or discover works of pure
cinematic genius, much
like the last film I reviewed, Hard Justice,
you remember that one right? But sometimes, especially with the
action and horror genre, you come across a film that makes you shout
abuse at the screen, one such film that crossed my path recently was
film called Hitman's Run, it starred Eric Roberts who is a pretty
descent actor who gets shitty films come his way plays a mob hitman
who doesn't follow an order and ends up testifying and going into
witness protection. Anyways, the film is directed by Mark L.Lester, a
name action fans should be well acquainted with.
Lester is the
director of Commando, the OTT Schwarzenegger actioner for the 80s as
well as films like cult 80s classic Class Of 1984, the Dolph
Lundgren/Brandon Lee flick, Showdown In Little Tokyo and a great
little flick from 1994 called Extreme Justice with Scott Glenn and
Lou Diamond Phillips. Here he's in the mob assassin genre, and boy
does he botch the fuck out of it. What should have been a straight up
revenge flick about an assassin coming out of hiding, instead we get
a film with an annoying computer hacker, some stereotyped mobsters
and some moments of pure rage from the audience because of the dumb
things the writer has put into the film. I can't necessarily blame
Lester for the disaster than unfolded in front of me, a lot of the
blame has to be put onto the writer, Eric Barker, who's only other
IMDB writing credit is actually as an uncredited writer on a DTV Marc
Dacascos flick called The Base. Well it's no wonder he's not worked
since because the script for Hitman's Run is terrible.
There are movies
that are so bad they're good, Hard Justice is a good example of this,
but this one is just infuriating to the point of wanting to throw a
shoe at the TV. An example of the dumb things that happen in Hitman's
Run is towards the end. Now for people eager to watch this piece of
crap, you might want to skip this as it's a pretty big spoiler, as
for the rest of you, there's a bomb on a boat, the bomb is in a bag,
the bomb was placed on the boat by two dodgy FBI agents, the two FBI
agents, with all their field training get killed instantly, then two
people try and disarm the bomb, bare in mind that it needs a code
typed in to disable it, the hacker kid is typing numbers but nothing
is happening. Now the bomb is on a boat, in a bag. What would you do
if you were surrounded by water and had a bomb in bag?....that's
right, you'd THROW IT IN THE FUCKING WATER!, did they listen to me
yelling at the screen, no they didn't, the hacker's dad comes along
and types a few numbers into the keypad and “hey presto” the bomb
is disarmed. What the actual fuck?
So that's three
paragraphs stating how shit this film and I haven't even told you
what it's about. Here goes nothing.... A hitman, tasked with killing
a mob accountant, lets the man go, the mob then try to whack him but
they fuck it up. The Hitman testifies and ends up in the witness
protection program. Something happens and he's called out of hiding
to get some disc that contains the where-abouts of all the people in
the WITSEC program. Eric Roberts' family are...you know what, i'm not
even going to bother typing this shit.... Cars are chased, Guns are
fired and shit blows up....
Apart from a
director who can shoot action sequences in his sleep, the film also
boasts a cast of talent slumming it in the crap. Eric Roberts, who I
really dig as an actor, check out a film called The Butcher for a
good Roberts plays a hitman film, is one of the only things that
makes this film watchable. Damien Chapa, another pretty descent actor
plays the son of the mob boss and Robert's arch nemesis. Oh man I
can't even be bothered with this, there's just no reason to carry on
explaining how totally shit this film was, so I'm just gonna end the
review with the next paragraph.
Hitman's Run is a
shit movie, plain and simple, there's some passable action scenes and
some decent enough Car chases but they don't make up an entire film.
If you want to watch it, by all means don't let me stop you but
please take this review as a warning. For this film, i'm gonna award
2 stars, 1 for Eric Roberts and 1 for the action....
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