HITMAN'S RUN (1999) Dir. Mark L. Lester - Cine-Apocalypse

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Wednesday, 5 February 2014

HITMAN'S RUN (1999) Dir. Mark L. Lester















Hard Justice was a freakin' masterpiece compared to this pile of wank. Commando director Mark L. Lester slums it with the DTV action crime flick, Hitman's Run. It stars Eric Roberts and Damien Chapa and you can read my thoughts on the film after the jump....


The best thing about being a movie reviewer is seeking out or discover works of pure cinematic genius, much
like the last film I reviewed, Hard Justice, you remember that one right? But sometimes, especially with the action and horror genre, you come across a film that makes you shout abuse at the screen, one such film that crossed my path recently was film called Hitman's Run, it starred Eric Roberts who is a pretty descent actor who gets shitty films come his way plays a mob hitman who doesn't follow an order and ends up testifying and going into witness protection. Anyways, the film is directed by Mark L.Lester, a name action fans should be well acquainted with.

Lester is the director of Commando, the OTT Schwarzenegger actioner for the 80s as well as films like cult 80s classic Class Of 1984, the Dolph Lundgren/Brandon Lee flick, Showdown In Little Tokyo and a great little flick from 1994 called Extreme Justice with Scott Glenn and Lou Diamond Phillips. Here he's in the mob assassin genre, and boy does he botch the fuck out of it. What should have been a straight up revenge flick about an assassin coming out of hiding, instead we get a film with an annoying computer hacker, some stereotyped mobsters and some moments of pure rage from the audience because of the dumb things the writer has put into the film. I can't necessarily blame Lester for the disaster than unfolded in front of me, a lot of the blame has to be put onto the writer, Eric Barker, who's only other IMDB writing credit is actually as an uncredited writer on a DTV Marc Dacascos flick called The Base. Well it's no wonder he's not worked since because the script for Hitman's Run is terrible.

There are movies that are so bad they're good, Hard Justice is a good example of this, but this one is just infuriating to the point of wanting to throw a shoe at the TV. An example of the dumb things that happen in Hitman's Run is towards the end. Now for people eager to watch this piece of crap, you might want to skip this as it's a pretty big spoiler, as for the rest of you, there's a bomb on a boat, the bomb is in a bag, the bomb was placed on the boat by two dodgy FBI agents, the two FBI agents, with all their field training get killed instantly, then two people try and disarm the bomb, bare in mind that it needs a code typed in to disable it, the hacker kid is typing numbers but nothing is happening. Now the bomb is on a boat, in a bag. What would you do if you were surrounded by water and had a bomb in bag?....that's right, you'd THROW IT IN THE FUCKING WATER!, did they listen to me yelling at the screen, no they didn't, the hacker's dad comes along and types a few numbers into the keypad and “hey presto” the bomb is disarmed. What the actual fuck?

So that's three paragraphs stating how shit this film and I haven't even told you what it's about. Here goes nothing.... A hitman, tasked with killing a mob accountant, lets the man go, the mob then try to whack him but they fuck it up. The Hitman testifies and ends up in the witness protection program. Something happens and he's called out of hiding to get some disc that contains the where-abouts of all the people in the WITSEC program. Eric Roberts' family are...you know what, i'm not even going to bother typing this shit.... Cars are chased, Guns are fired and shit blows up....

Apart from a director who can shoot action sequences in his sleep, the film also boasts a cast of talent slumming it in the crap. Eric Roberts, who I really dig as an actor, check out a film called The Butcher for a good Roberts plays a hitman film, is one of the only things that makes this film watchable. Damien Chapa, another pretty descent actor plays the son of the mob boss and Robert's arch nemesis. Oh man I can't even be bothered with this, there's just no reason to carry on explaining how totally shit this film was, so I'm just gonna end the review with the next paragraph.

Hitman's Run is a shit movie, plain and simple, there's some passable action scenes and some decent enough Car chases but they don't make up an entire film. If you want to watch it, by all means don't let me stop you but please take this review as a warning. For this film, i'm gonna award 2 stars, 1 for Eric Roberts and 1 for the action....


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