Sorry for the delay in posts, it's been a hectic few weeks with it being Christmas and all but im back with a new review and the first of 2012, I give you Cowboys & Aliens, a universally stoopid film but one that I really enjoyed. It stars Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford and Olivia Wilde. Hope you enjoy the review. 
So it's the end of the year, 31st of December 2011 and I have to at least finish the year with a new review, so last night I sat down and watched one of those films that was highly anticipated, no it wasn't that Twilight crapola, it was Cowboys & Aliens, the film that had everyone buzzing about. How could this fail, Cowboys AND Aliens together in the same film, this was going to be epic, well it wasn't exactly epic, it was more, slightly smaller that large scale to be honest. I mean it was watch-able, which makes it better than that other comic book western that came out, Jonah Hex.
Unlike Jonah Hex, C&A (like the old clothes shop) had an interesting character in the shape of Jake Lonergran, played by Daniel Craig but while he was pretty bad ass, the film itself kind of fell short of the mark.
The plot is this, James Bond wakes up in the desert of the old west with a weird ass bracelet thingy stuck to his wrist. Along come three dodgy looking fella's on horse back, notice the shackle on his wrist and decide that he might be worth something. Two seconds later the three men are dead because, lets be honest, who's going to fuck with Bond. Anyway Bond steals their clothes, their boots and their motor horsies and rides off to the nearest town where he's stitched up by Mr Crabs off of spongebob and proceeds to knee the weird Eli kid from There Will Be Blood in the balls after the little shit accidentally shoots a deputy in the arm. The Sheriff, one of the many Carradine's, Keith I think, recognises Bond as wanted outlaw Longergran, he arrests him and puts him in a cell. Some aliens blow up some cows and this pisses off Indiana Jones who also happens to be the father of the weird Eli kid, rides into town to get him back. Aliens show up and Bond's hardcore space bangle turns into a blaster gun with which he is able to shoot down one of the space ships. The Aliens steal town people by ripping off War Of The Worlds using grappling hooks to hoist their prey into the sky. Cue epic mission to find the stolen towns people. Tagging along is a group of untrained old west cliché’s. The Preacher man with awesome rifle skills, the bartender who's Mexican wife has been stolen, some rough looking cow pokes and a kid who will become a man on this journey. Oh and obviously a woman who shouldn't really be there but is for titillation reasons. Yawn!!!
Something about mining gold and surprise surprise the aliens are there to use up all the resources of the planet and leave us to die. Bond kills people, Indy kills people, The Preacher man kills monsters and so does the Bartender. Olivia Wilde has a gratuitous side boob moment which will make the viewers rewind and slowdown the image just to get a glimpse of nip, and the kid becomes a man, What a fucking Surprise.
Well that's pretty much the plot of C&A and it took 5 writers to come up with a film that's been done a thousand times before but instead of facing off against red Indians they face of against Aliens, way to go writers, where on earth did you come up with that script?
As you can see I clearly have issues with the mediocrity of the film, but one thing that saved the film for me was the cast. How the fuck did a, pretty much B-Movie, get fucking Bond, Indy, Tron's digital piece of Ass, Mr Crabs or Kurgan, Sam Rockwell (i've named him because of the respect I have for his performance in Moon) and that dude off of Windtalkers to star in this? That's a good question and when you look at the ridiculously huge budget of the film, $160,000,000, you realise that the big money cheques got these people in, well maybe not Adam Beech, he was probably offered a lolly and a ride home for his role, most likely just glad for the work like a Mexican day Labourer. But like I said the cast is what saves the movie from complete piece of Ass crap.
Daniel Craig if fucking off the chain as Lonergran, He is such a bad ass with his space bangle and his old west Jason Bourne martial arts skills. He's not exactly the talkative type of character which is what we come to expect from Craig, I can never really imagine him doing a 10 minute monologue, I think he'd run out of things to say after 30 seconds and probably slap someone, But this silence and 'brooding' persona is what makes him so fucking bad ass. His space bangle is cool, it's like Brave-Starr’s gun all bad ass and something that shouldn't really be in a kids cartoon but then again Ren and Stimpy should never have been shown to kids. Unlike bond's clean, suave image, Lonergran is a dirty son-of-a-bitch. Fair do's to Craig for taking this role he could have easily said no im motherfucking bond bitch, I ain’t no roll in the dirt six shooting son of a gun, but the dude did it and he's bug nuts awesome.
Harrison Ford, yes the man who played two iconic characters of my childhood, Han Solo and Indiana Jones, plays, well he pretty much just plays Indy, but Indy doing an impression of Tommy Lee Jones, but he's cool, he's still got that Indy charisma and it's always great to see him on screen whether in this or in rom com fluff like Morning Glory (which I actually thought was pretty good) and here he plays the grizzled former General turned Rancher turned businessman come sort of villain who finally becomes a good guy, I say finally but he's never really a villain, it wouldn't work with Ford on the side of evil. Can't really say much more about Ford, he's just doing what he does best.
Olivia Wilde, has a much more pivotal role in this than Megan Fox did in Jonah Hex and is a joy to stare at in a non lecherous way of course. I’ve only seen her in Tron Legacy and was quite impressed by her in that. This film is no exception, she's stunningly gorgeous and she can act, something Megan Fox cannot do, no matter how much people defend her. Plus you get Wilde Side Boob too which in my book is always a plus. (wow this critique of her performance has taken a rather pervy turn).
Onto the direction of Cowboys & Aliens. Now let me just say that Jon Favrau aint John Ford, but he knows how to make an action film and his skill behind the camera is pretty good on this film. Now I primarily knew Favrau as Pete, the millionaire boyfriend of Monica Geller who wanted to become a UFC champion in friends, I never new he was a director until I saw the incredibly well made kids sci-fi adventure flick Zathura, the man can handle special FX and with this film, I do have to say that the FX are rather good and well handled. He also has an eye for a vista or two but like I said he ain’t no John Ford. He did great work on the two Iron Man films and even the Will Farrell 'Comedy' Elf and im sure he'll continue to hone his skill on these big budget studio picture.
So what's my final verdict on Cowboys & Aliens?
While I have trashed the hell out of film, I did find it strangely enjoyable, it's a definite grower and one that probably deserves multiple viewings and while I've dissed the unoriginal script it was still an entertaining big budget B movie that pretty much delivers on the promise of the title. So if you really really need a movie that's entertaining, overly silly and star's not only Bond but Indiana Jones, you can't go wrong with this. Sure it aint The Searchers meets District 9 and more like Blazing Saddles meets Independence Day but it's big dumb fun that im going to reward 3 stars to.
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