So hopefully you've
read part one of my countdown of top 10 films of the year, did you
agree (most likely not) or disagree? Well it's a personal selection
so if you didn't agree then...so what?...lol, anyway if you're still
interested in my top 5 films then check out Part 2 which cover 5-1...
BEST
05. PACIFIC
RIM (2013) Dir: Guillermo Del Torro
Oh
what's this, one of the years flops?...was it really a flop, or just
what the Americans consider a flop as it didn't make it's budget back
in domestic sales because $407,602,906 on a $190 mil budget is in no
way a flop, start taking in to consideration world wide ticket sales
before declaring a film a flop Hollywood. Pacific Rim is a big budget
CGI homage to those old Toho Kaiju movies of the 60s and 70s. Films
like Godzilla, Mothra and Gamera, But this Hollywood homage comes
from the director of Pan's Labyrinth and Hellboy 1 and 2 and it's an
epic blast of giant robo's, Giant Monsters and city battles and sea
battles. I have already reviewed the film so this is just a little
piece on why I enjoyed Pacific Rim so much. It doesn't pretend to be
anything other than a giant robots vs giant monsters movie, there is
no hidden message, no emotional manipulation of characters, there's
also no un-easy comedy banter, yes it does have comic relief but it's
used well and above all else, it's really really fun. The visuals are
stunning, This is how CGI should be used, for big epic one on one
fights, sure they could have used men in suits but this is hollywood
baby, and Del Torror, who over saw the entire production of the film,
got it right. A giant, big budget, CGI extravaganza that is original,
thrilling and entertaining and it has characters you can actually
route for. I loved it which is why it's in my top 5 films of the
year.
WORST
RED
DAWN (2012) Dir. Dan Bradley
Oh
man this film was a waste of time, shot and completed in 2009 but sat
on the shelf until 2013 due to the financial troubles MGM went
through. Anyone who has seen John Millius' original awesome 1984
classic will know that that film actually made sense, the cold war
was still happening and the film was a “what if...” scenario,
what if an enemy decided to invade, what would happen, who would
fight? Well Red Dawn gave us the Wolverines, a group of high school
teachers led by Patrick Swayze's Jed. The remake follows the exact
same plot but with Chris Hemsworth replacing Swayze and the fat kid
from Drake and Josh who lost weight playing Charlie Sheen's part. The
replaced the Russians and Cubans with North Koreans (originally
Chinese but digitally altered in post) and did the same thing. It
seemed more like a fan film than an actual remake and there are so
many WTF moment that you will be banging your head against a wall
after about 20 minutes. It's just a very lazy film. If you want a see
a film like Red Dawn I can highly recommend Australian film Tomorrow
When The War Began, it follows the same kind of plot but it's much
more fun or play the game Homefront, written by Millius himself.
BEST
04. CURSE
OF CHUCKY (2013) Dir. Don Mancini
Chucky
is back ladies and gentlemen, Chucky returns 9 years after Seed of
Chucky in a straight to DVD film. But ladles and jellyspoons, don't
let the DTV name put you off, this is proper old school Chucky, this
is Child's Play Chucky, fucked up evil doll with a penchant for
killing folks. Brad Dourif returns as Charles Lee Ray and the Voice
of Chucky, he's joined by his real life daughter Fiona who plays the
wheelchair bound recipient of Chucky. After her mother dies
mysteriously, Nica's family rally around to work out finances and try
and get Nica to sell the house. While everyone is getting ready for
bed, the killing starts and in true Chucky style the kills are
inventive and darkly humorous. This film brings us full circle and
ties right in with the original Child's Play leading up to Lee Ray
transferring his soul into the Good Guys doll. When the trailer was
released there were a lot of complaints about Chucky being CGI and CG
was used but only at certain points such ass a smiler and one full CG
shot of Chuckster walking down a flight of stairs, the rest of the
time it's good old fashioned Animatronic puppets and Midgets in
suits. What I loved about Curse of Chucky was how it left behind the
whole “self aware” idea that seed brought in, it left out
Shithead, Chucky and Tiffany's son and it returned to it's killer
doll slasher roots. It's really well made and written too and Fiona
Dourif gives a great performance as Nica but the film really belongs
to Brad Dourif as chucky much like all the films have, his dry
delivery and his voice are so forever connected to this character
that it would never work as a re-boot, something I am grateful that
Curse was not, even if at first it feels like one, but that is just a
rouse. This is old fashioned killer in the house horror, it has a
great atmosphere and is darkly comic without shoving it in your face,
it's one of the best horror films of the year and one of my
favourites. If you get a chance seek this film out, you won't be
disappointed.
WORST
KICK-ASS
2 (2013) Dir: Jeff Wadlow
I'll
probably get a lot of flack for this but it did absolutely nothing
for me, I loved the first one, the whole idea was great, Hit-girl was
one of the best comic book characters to appear on screen in a long
time, the action was well done and the script was funny, fresh and
brutal. It worked when it really shouldn't have. Kick Ass 2 takes the
premise that more people have decided to become masked vigilantes and
Red Mist want's revenge for the death of his father. Then there's a
subplot where Mindy aka Hit-girl is growing up, becoming a teen and
having to deal with teenage issues such as bitchy girls and teeny
bopper boy bands that apparently makes her “wet”. The first film
had it's fair share of offensive elements but it seems like
writer/director Jeff Wadlow wanted to up the ante and just make an
offensive movie all round. For me the film lost everything that made
the first film such a blast. The whole mindy high-school plot is
directly lifted from Mean Girls and feels incredibly out of place and
tacked on. Hit-Girl is sadly very underused. What really put me off
and made me dislike the film was Jim Carrey. I just didn't get it.
Such a monumental let down.
BEST
03. FAST
& FURIOUS 6 (2013) Dir: Justin Lin
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Many
people will think that this is being included because of the tragic
untimely death of star Paul th film and
part of the family, we've invested the time in the franchise and
people who loved this series continue to enjoy it as it gets bigger
and better with each new outing. Fast 6 finally ties in to the
series, Tokyo Drift, which now cements the timeline as the third film
actually being the 6th film and the fourth film being the
3rd film...(you following). I would be sad to see a F&F
film without Paul Walker but do I think they should scrap it?...fuck
no, even without Walker, this is one of the best action franchises
we've ever had. That is why Fast 6 is my 3rd favourite
film of the year.
WORST
WHITE
HOUSE DOWN (2013) Dir: Roland Emmerich
Awe
man, what the shit balls happened to Emmerich, the dude gave us
Universal Soldier, Stargate and Independence Day but recently his
films have sucked major donkey balls, he's just repeats the same
thing over and over again. White House Down suffers from what I like
to call “fuck up” disease. It's a film so monumentally shit that
you feel you can never watch an Emmerich film again, I had this same
feeling with 2012 but I decided to give him one more chance and he
fuckin' blew it. White House Down is a $170million dollar remake of
Olympus Has Fallen and that film wasn't exactly an original piece of
material (but it was still fuckin' awesome). WHD is miss cast,
overblown, 45 minutes too long and tries to emulate the comic moment
that made Die Hard such a fantastic film. But unlike Die Hard which
had the likable little scamp by the name of John McClane, WHD tries
to make us fall in love with Channing Tatum's “action hero” but
it fails because he's a bit of twat, but the biggest mistake this
film made was casting Jamie Foxx as the President. Sure Foxx was
great as Django in Django Unchained but here he's really bad. The
only way to describe his character is... you know P-Diddy in Get Him
To The Greek?...well Jamie Foxx seems to be playing P-Diddy in Get
Him To The Greek playing the U.S President. Its far too long, it's
not big, it's not clever and it's not fun....it's also not Olympus
Has Fallen. It's Shit.
BEST
02. THE
WORLDS END (2013) Dir: Edgar Wright
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I
think Simon Pegg works best when he's with Nick Frost and Edgar
Wright, when these three guys get together they create something
special. It started way back in 1999 with the Channel 4 sitcom,
Spaced, a geeked out show about a comic book artist living with a
“journolist” and their crazy friends and neighbours that became a
cult show thanks to all the pop cultural references and the fact that
it was brilliantly written. These three guys then moved onto the
absolutely brilliant and endlessly quotable Zom-Rom-Com, Shaun Of The
Dead which was a romantic comedy set during a zombie apocalypse that
played homage to every horror film you can think of while being fresh
and original. The followed up that with Hot Fuzz, their homage to the
action genre, specifically the “cop” movie, films like Point
Break and Bad Boys are heavily referenced through out but again it's
an endlessly quotable comedy that is also consistently funny. This
brings us to The Worlds End, essentially their homage to the sci-fi
genre, in particular films like Invasion Of The Body Snatchers and
Westworld. It follows Pegg's character Gary King, a man still stuck
in 1990, a man who has never grown up. Gary decides to get his old
gang back together to return to their home town to complete the
golden mile, an epic pub crawl that takes in 12 pubs ending at a pub
called The World's End. Gary's friends have all grown up, they're
respected businessmen with families but reluctantly agree to join
him. Upon returning to their home town, they notice that things are a
little off, the people seem different, then Gary makes the
discovery...the town has been taken over and replaced by robotic
versions of the towns folk. The gang then have to fight their way to
freedom or become replicated themselves and still complete the golden
mile. Again Pegg and Wright's writing is on form, it's a very funny
film but this time, there aren't as many pop cultural references
which is a nice change. I've seen it three times so far and every
time I watch it I find it funnier and funnier. If a film can do this
on repeated viewings then it deserves to be at this spot. It really
is a great film and I hope more people will cotton onto it's
awesomeness.......let's boo boo.
WORST
MACHETE
KILLS (2013)Dir: Robert Rodriguez
Machete
Kills is what happens when you take a joke to far, you know, when
people just go “just stop it already” but the prankster doesn't
listen. Well that's what Machete Kills is. The first Machete was a
fun if flawed attempt to spoof 70s exploitation movies and on a
certain level it worked, Machete Kills doesn't work, it's horribly
made, looks like it shot on Austin Power's Dr. Evil sets and the
whole film plays out like a violent spy kids, Rodriguez should have
just stopped at one. About half way through I started to drift away
from the film because I was quite bored by it. Danny Trejo tries his
best but not even he can keep this film from failing. My favourite
thing about Machete Kills is Mel Gibson, clearly he had no idea what
he was signing on for at first but then half way through realises
what he's in and just starts to have fun. But the film is just crap,
there's a subplot that has nothing to do with the rest of the film
until the final 5 minutes or so, following an assassin tracking
Machete across america who is played by not 1 but 4 people, Walton
Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady fuckin' Gaga and Antonio Banderas.
It's just a mess of a movie and it looks like we're getting Machete
Kills Again....In Space....God Help Us!
BEST
01. DJANGO
UNCHAINED (2012) Dir: Quentin Tarantino
My
number one film of 2013 is a film by the man who washed his hands of
the fake grindhouse style film with Deathproof, opting to return to
normal films, well normal for QT, with Inglourious Basterds. So after
making a gangster film, an ensemble film, a blacksploitation homage,
a kung fu homage, a slasher film homage and a WW2 homage, where was
QT gonna go next?...to the west, well the south to be exact, the
antebellum south full of “negro's and bounty hunters”. Well
Django is much more than just a homage to westerns and spaghetti
westerns, it's a character study like of his films. I wrote a massive
review for this film which you can read HERE, so I won't got into too
much detail but the plot follows a former German dentist turned
bounty hunter who free's a slave named Django to help him locate a
bounty for three brothers, Django was previously in their charge.
Django and Schultz (the bounty hunter) make a deal, he will help him
find the brothers if he in return helps him find his wife. So Django
starts training as a bounty hunter and the two track the brothers.
Then they discover that Django's wife is now the property of a
plantation owner called Calvin Candie, played brilliantly by Leonardo
De Caprio. The two make up a story that they are looking to purchase
a mandingo fighter and that they want to see his best men which mean
a trip to Candie's home. Then the shit hit's the fan. Like I said I'm
not going to into too much detail because i've already written a
massive review of this already, but it's such a brilliant film.
Tarantino continues to develop as a both a director and a writer, the
latter of which won him his second oscar for best screenplay after
Pulp Fiction. Django Unchained is also his most commercially
successful film to date. The cast are all brilliant especially
Christoph Waltz and Leonardo De Caprio but the person most overlooked
is Samuel L. Jackson who pretty much steals the entire show. I would
have loved to see Sam get at least an Oscar nom but nothing. I've
seen Django about 4 times now and I love it every time. So Django
Unchained is my number 1 film of 2013. For the people who say well it
came out in 2012 so you can't include it, it was release on the 18
January 2013 in the U.K so there....
WORST
A
GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (2013) Dir: John Moore
How
do you fuck up Die Hard? You hire Skip Woods to write it and John
Moore to direct it, that's how. Woods previously fucked up Hitman and
Moore fucked up Max Payne, add to the film a Bruce Willis who seems
like he's lost the will to live, a different aspect ratio, a Russian
setting and his son being a fuckin' CIA agent. A Good Day To Die
Hard is a fucking travesty to a series that kicked so much ass with
it's first three films but kinda lost it a bit with 4.0. AGDTDH is
what Die Hard looks like with dementia. It doesn't know where it is,
what's it's doing or if it's had it's breakfast. It's the first Die
Hard film to not be shot in 2.35:1 scope and it shows, it has a
horrible blue tint to it and reuses the same action scene twice. It's
lazy film making and Bruce doesn't help matters with his paycheck
performance, it's clear he's lost the character. McClane doesn't
drink, he doesn't smoke, he barely swears and can survive a truck
tumbling down a round 19 times, McClane is dead, he's nowhere to be
found in this film, instead we get a generic action character that
you'd expect someone like Dean Cain or Steven Seagal to play in a
shitty DTV movie. Moore and Woods have completely destroyed this
franchise and Fox need to rewatch the first three and return to that
form. Make McClane a fucking badass again, make him swear, make him
drink and make him smoke. He was an average Joe in an odd situation,
he can't outdrive a jet fighter in a truck and he can't survive
radiation poisoning from Chernobyl. Fuck you Fox, Woods and Moore,
you raped the shit out of one the greatest action franchises of all
time. This is the worst film of 2013 hands down.
So
there we go, my top ten best and worst films of 2013, there are few
films I'd like to quickly mention that didn't cut the best list, The
Last Stand, American Mary, Under The Bed and Riddick all just missed
out. I only saw Gravity the same day as writing this but will need a
rewatch without 3D glasses to really make my mind up on that one. So
do you agree or not and what were your top 10 best and worst?....
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